God fills me at worship

I think that people scoff at emotional Christians, dismissing it as mindless distractions from the real world, where really it is a culmination and celebration of true, logical facts that we have learned about the real world. When I grasp the fact that an infinite God died for a miserable, finite person like me, I get emotional.

Normally I am very logical and reserved. Recently however, that has been thrown out the window. Yesterday, of my own volition, uninvited, I stood to the front side of an auditorium full of college students and danced my heart out before God. I do my best to communicate what the words say with hand gestures, and display the volume of emotion by leaping or rotating in wide athletic stances. I started out pretty hesitant, unsure of whether I wasn't possessed by some naive ideas. But then I warmed into it as God poured emotion into me and I danced with eyes closed. In the middle it grew to a point where I opened my eyes. The cold, real world presented itself. And instead of feeling embarrassed or depressed, it felt better than ever before. I consciously directed my dancing to communicate to any who might care to see me, telling of how much God has filled me up. And when my feelings grew even larger, I stopped and stood stock still, attempting to process all that God was telling me.

I have decided that this may be my strongest evidence that a God exists. No twist of psychology can possibly explain these feelings.

But I think that this did not all happen overnight. Much of what fuels these emotions comes from a long history of thought about the infinity of God and how amazing he is anyway, about the way in which he saves sinners, etc. I think that people scoff at emotional Christians, dismissing it as mindless distractions from the real world, where really it is a culmination and celebration of what we know about the real world.

Anyway, I need to go catch up on school

p.s. this last day of worship was may 16th

all those 'other dimensions'

I recently dove into a full hour of discussion with a college student of philosophy about the existence of other dimensions, the value of the human logic system, sophism [You are the only thing that exists], etc. Basically everything that can make your intuition hurt. I started question the existence of God, my own intelligence, and stuff like that.

However, I made my original arguments for the existence of God (see 'TSM') a little more general, and it covers all this other wacky stuff. Measurements and magnitudes of any sort are all finite. And we wonder, why that value instead of something else? For instance, the total mass of the universe may be 7.6E87 kg. Why? Why not 7.5? Who knows? Either we accept that this arbitrary number exists for some reason, or there must be something outside of quantifiable things (God) which has a will and a purpose to set it at that value. Of course, the universe could also be infinite, which also begs interpretation.

This takes on other dimensions (because other dimensions have quantities in them), logic systems (because quantities are independent of they way things relate to each other) and sohpism (because I have values too).

Just food for thought

ultimate questions

I have been struggling recently with a single question: is it best to know what to do, or to know what is true? So which is ultimate: actions or truth? But then it occurred to me that I was asking a question about truth, and so the answer is simple:

the first and foremost thing to pursue is knowledge.

heaven on earth

From the Lord's prayer "...on earth as it is in heaven." Perhaps heaven isn't in the clouds, but on a liberated earth? Real animals, forests, civilizations, and kingdoms, just like the movies show.

Avatar and recent sermons have revolutionized my view of life and the end times. From avatar, I see that God is writing an epic through the story of the world. Most epic stories in modern media include Christ figures and a people groups struggling for survival. In the real world, we are Gods people and are struggling against real epic forces. In the end times, real physical battles will occur - Agamemnon.

Revelations 20:7-9 "...Satan will be released from his prison and will go out to deceive the nations in the four corners of the earth...and gather them for battle. In number they are like the sand on the seashore. They marched across the breadth of the earth and surrounded the camp of God's people, the city he loves. But fire came down from heaven and devoured them."

A Real epic battle will take place at the end of time and it will be awesome! But better yet, the Lord's prayer calls for heaven on earth. Perhaps heaven isn't in the clouds, but on a liberated earth? Then the epilogues of movies like avatar, with such a wonderful picture of happiness will come true. We will run on the earth and not grow weary, re will be whole again, utopia! Maranatha! ['come, lord Jesus' nearly the last word in the bible]

P.S this post sat around unpublished for about a month for some reason

Definition of faith

In my English class, the teacher said that we can't use source materials that are intended to be accepted on faith (such as the bible). But I thought, can't we defend the bible with archeological evidence? People seem to assume that when it comes to religion, science is put to the side and we use faith. With that premise they can easily disregard religion. I would too.

What if we redefine faith? Faith isn't holding onto a belief against all evidence, faith is holding onto one true thing, backed up by logic and evidence, when all appearances contradict. It's like parachute jumping. All the wind, roar, and dreadful empty air around you says you're going to die if you jump, but that true parachute on your back tells you for certain that you'll make it.

So you jump.

Thoughts about God triggered by Avatar

Created prior to this blog.

These are my thoughts as fast as I could write them as my mind was swimming in emotion. Much of it relies on previous (unposted) thoughts. Hopefully, however, some of it makes sense.

(3/12/10)

Driving home from Avatar, my thought processes have ran roughly thus:

We say God gives all these emotions, so the experience of him is better.

I have this little voice inside me every now and then that tells me to do things. I dearly hope it’s the Holy Spirit. It’s pretty ‘audible’ and doesn’t seem to simply regurgitate my own feelings.

What are humans fundamentally? Emotional or data? What is the big system of the metaphysical universe? Why should humans be weak like in ‘bigger fish’?

Exciting movies have big things at stake, nations, armies, people, and central things like the eywa tree, etc. The main character is like a Christ figure. Are we living in an epic in the real world? No, most people don’t want to join the fight.

The voice told me to put on KTIS and the song was about jumping into the deep. Should I listen to the little voice, sack all and jump?

Most exciting movies have a struggle, and often a Christ figure. Are humans unconsciously yearning for the same thing? Are we hardwired to desire an end-of-time battle like Armageddon?

I hope that the little voice is true, that the Christian walk is emotional and exciting like movies, and the world ends in one huge motion picture epic. I wish that heaven were an endless epilogue or even more story, as the things at stake become larger and larger, more fantastic animals and biological systems than Avatar. But God is so simple! God, help me see you as complicated and full of beauty! Ah! It is your people, and the work that you have made that is beautiful! Help me see it!

Does the sum of data still amount to emotion? I hope so.

How do I dive deep?

How might other religions be feasible? Do they have Christ figures? ….not really. Their gods do not love them. They cannot commune with their gods. Their gods treat them like objects. Ours is a living, loving God, praise the lord! PRAISE THE LORD!

Shall I dive deep? How?

I imagine myself as a chosen one, one who experiences emotion like no one else, a prophet to the world. An engineer? I begins to seem compatible after I rejoiced in Gods creation which makes the epic huger.

First shall I dive deep into Gods emotion? How?

Oh yes, and I had this little thought about ‘the plague of the first derivative’ where we humans can only feel change, not absolute measure. This brings about relativity, and gods infinity, and stuff like that. This idea came because I thought of the world as epic, and we’re missing it. And we miss it by not perceiving the value and complexity of the world around us. Ah! More connection to the engineer.

So, God wrote an epic, and we’re in it. Wonderful!

I wonder how I can use this in my book? Make it an epic with God writing? Hmmm….

Well, I think my emotion has largely died down for now, TTFN.

Back again. BTW somewhere along this though line I did a question all string. What is the fundamental question? What to do or what is? How do I know there is a fundamental question? How do I know there is an answer or a question? How do I know? How do I know I exist? Etc.

I think the fundamental question is: what is?

But then again. What is ‘is’? Prediction of perceptions?

Back again.

Actually, the question should be ‘what to do?’ or goal of pleasure which leads us to ‘what was I designed for?’ probably. I suppose possibly not. But that brings up another subject of how desires are created. It’s an argument for the spiritual world. Well, our very consciousness is an argument for another world. Anyway.

‘What was I designed for?” leads us to “Who designed me?” and a chain of creations along with scientific investigations into myself, etc. Which will lead us to God.

I should save this on my flash drive and take it to Karens house. Or I’ll just bring paper.

So, we have just suggested that ‘what to do’ leads us to ‘what is’ anyway. So I told the truth, lied, then told the truth. Or whatever. A good question to ask is ‘what is?’.

Aha! The world must be created (due to cause effect time infinity arguments) so something must exist outside of time – unchangeable. And That is the ultimate truth which we must find out. Aha! No-time also freezes epilogues (which would be terrible if time slowed down to normal pace).

So, how do we apply this to space and material?

God isn’t necessarily infinite spatially or materially…he's outside of those dimensions

Wonderful. These movies make for long, very productive writing. I should go see more epic movies.

Why should I ask questions (‘what is?’). Why not? J.

That God created the universe implies a reason for making it. (A reason that always existed outside of time?) Which might imply that God loves us anyway. Hmm… But love is best for us, and not only do I not feel very loved (but who am I to determine what’s best for me) but wouldn’t God have created the universe for himself. Aha! But what’s best for us is to fulfill why we were created, yes?

Oooooh. Okay. God the father is eywa, JC is the main character. Main char represents and fights for eywa…Holy spirit is…emo? Communication. Environment? What we see?

Just commented to father that I should watch more movies. Perhaps a healthy connection to pleasure is a good thing? Hm? But then why don’t other people have huge thoughts like this? Maybe they do and don’t record them.

Perhaps I’m getting off track, but more thoughts: dang, I lost it.

It is annoying reading back over what I have written. I cannot re-experience the emotions of thinking those things. Drat the first derivative!

Well, I tried again and it sort of works.

How might we blame Christ in the same way that they blamed the main character for the destruction?

My mind has slowed down from its emotional high. Perhaps I should stop writing? Who knows. I have much time.

(3/13/10) more analogy

Character rides in on the wings of defeated as his authority to lead the people. Animals with brainstems created for humans.

Time, Space, Material, and Infinity

This is one of my largest and most important ideas, created far before this blog. It covers several antinomies (there are more). Antinomies are fundamental conflicts within the real world. Something we observe in the world doesn't seem to make sense, or contradicts itself. For instance, the heated debate about free will and the absolute sovereignty of God is an antinomy. Scripture seems to say that God is absolutely sovereign and in control of all things, while at the same time it seems to say we have free will. These two concepts of soverignty and free will appear to be in opposition.
In this post, I outline three antimonies based on the impossibility of infinity and the nature of time, space, and matter itself.

Summary: The existence of time, space, and material requires either infinity (either divine or universal), or illogical results that beg a solution outside of the natural world. I'm essentially presenting two different ways the universe could work, two different options scientists could find as they continue discovering. It's a dichotomy because they have to either discover on or the other, yes or no. Both options either drive us to conclude that the universe is infinite, which contradicts mathematics and has many undesirable implications, or conclude that something outside of the natural world is upholding its existence.

Infinity: In mathematical number theory, infinity is not a number. It can't exist in the real world and does not obey mathematical laws. You can't have an infinite number of teacups at a party, no matter how many you buy. Infinity can be added to itself and remain the same. If it does not obey mathematics, it must be outside mathematics and science, which means it is unreal, or in other words, supernatural. A supernatural thing is either a sort of God in itself or suggests a God who created it.

Some claim that the universe is infinite and in reply to the impossibility of infinity might say that no one object in the universe is infinite, but the number of objects is infinite. In this case I would point out that then the object: universe, contains all those other objects and is therefore infinite. If that fails, I would like to have them talk with a mathematician. If that fails also, I would then give the implications of an infinite universe. (See Futility of the Finite)

Time: Cause and effect. All things (effects) in this world must have causes, and those causes in turn must have causes. We can trace this line of cause and effect far back in history (or simply trace time itself backwards), even back to the big bang but the question will remain, what came before? And we will never be able to answer it with science because the question will never go away. There are two options: 1) There was a cause that was not caused, which disobeys the laws of logic, and therefore is outside of the natural universe (God). Alternatively we can say there was an agent outside of time (unnatural) that started time (God). 2) Time stretches backwards into infinity. This either suggests a violation of mathematical laws or the existence of God.
          Some would point to the Big Bang as the place where time began. Some sort of singularity (infinite matter density) occurred and then everything exploded. How can time begin if we need time to define before and after? Why would a singularity cause time to begin? Couldn't the singularity just sit there forever (or for no time at all), because time didn't exist for it to start blowing up? Oh, well you might say that because of timespace bending in the theory of relativity the infinite matter density caused some infinte bend in time and.... ok ok ok, just pause for a moment. 1) If time doesn't exist then there is no timespace, it's just space, and you can't bend time if it doesn't exist. 2) How did the universe get to the point of having a singularity? If there is no time, nothing can change. Whatever state the universe you imagine the universe to begin in, it won't change.

Space: If we reach our hand out into space, it keeps going. We can continue reaching out for a long time,. We exit the Solar System, the Milky Way, the Local Group, the Local Supercluster (or Virgo Supercluster), and then the Great Wall, many millions of light years across. But we can keep going, keep reaching out. When does it end? There are two options: 1) Space ends in a wall. What is beyond the wall? Why does it stop? What is it we are running into? The proposition is ludicrous. 2) Space goes on for infinity. Again, this either suggests a God-like universe or a God who created it.

Note: Some think three dimensional space might be bent in a fourth dimension, so that traveling into space forever in a straight line would eventually bring us back here where we started. This is not impossible, but I think we should wait the test of time to see what happens to the idea. Furthermore, one can ask again, how far can we expand into the fourth dimension? No matter how many spatial dimensions you imagine, or whatever orientation they are to each other, those dimensions have limits or don't. If three dimensional space is wrapped onto the surface a fourth dimensional sphere, how far out from the center can we travel in the fourth dimension?

Material: Now, instead of going out, we go in. Inside our bodies are cells, within them organic machines, within in them molecules, then atoms, then fermions (electrons, protons, and neutrons) then gluons, then, what after? We can keep going. According to Rob Bell, scientists have found at least 30 level of particles lower than the atom (Everything is Spiritual). Again, we have two options: one, we stop. And the result is a material or particle that acts in a certain way and we have no idea why because there are no particles within it that we can use to describe its behavior. It might have an electrical charge, or something equivalent, and we can’t explain it without God upholding the particle and making it do what it does. Two, it goes on forever, infinity. This doesn't mean there are a bjillion levels of particles and we just don't understand them yet, it means that the particles don't end. So really, if there is space between particles, we are all made up of all space. Material doesn't exist because it keeps splitting up into smaller pieces with space in between. Additionally, there are no consistent laws that determine the behavior of whatever matter we believe does exist, because there are no fundamental particles that cause the behavior of the larger ones - all matter is simply based on something that doesn't exist.

Note: Mass-energy equivalence may seem to provide the answer by saying that fundamentally everything is made out of energy - string theory actually - vibrating strings of energy. Ha! As if turning the stuff into energy somehow makes it unique and impervious to physical laws? How can something be made out of energy? If I'm making something, I can still split it up. Energy forms string loops - so... can I cut the string? That makes it smaller. No matter what you imagine could exist down there, it can either be split up or it can't, and the question still remains.

That's the beauty of these arguments. In regards to Gods existence, I care very little what science finds in the future, because whatever it is, it will still beg the existence of God. 

Blog introduction

Greetings to all who might read this blog.

My purpose is to add general and personal thought to topics ranging from the size of our universe, to the relationship between emotion and reality, to struggles with theological ideas, and to original theories about physical science.

I have a 5 year background of thought on these subjects, agree with Calvinist arguments, and tend to have wacky ideas about space-time and human nature. But don't worry, I go through identity crises about every week.

Entries will be short, and possibly very confusing.

My posts will typically originate from movies I've seen, people I've met, sermons I've heard, etc. but quite a few only address the topic, not what started my thought train.

I hope you enjoy reading!