Essentially it is this: when you are around people who are hurting, just being their friend or whatever, do not be afraid to challenge them, to say things strongly, to call them out on something. I'm sorry it's kind of hard to describe without getting into the lower categories. CAVEAT: only call Christians out with these principles. Non-Christians do not necessarily believe the underlying truths that support these challenges. We should never impose our beliefs on others, only offer it as tantalizing and true. Perhaps with non-Christians the best you can do is promise your support and care.
1) Do not do everything to make them feel better, saying it isn't as bad as it seems, to make the world seem easier than it is. IT ISN'T! That's why, along with the devils lies, that they are down in the first place. Jesus says there will be pain in John 16:33 "“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Speak instead that God is stronger than the world and will always give us that strength. Tell them (and yourself when you find yourself down) to rely on that strength. Romans 8:35-37 (quoting Psalm 44:22) "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
2) Often they are believing lies. Call them out on this and ask them to fight against the lies. For women it is often 'I'm not valuable or loved.' for men it's like 'I'm not doing the right thing, I'm not strong enough' or for all of us 'Everyone hates me' and 'There is nothing to life beyond this pain, it's inescapable.' Tell them that they are believing these lies, they aren't true, and they should reject and fight them.
3) Oftentimes hurting people having coping mechanisms, things they do or say or think in order to retreat behind a wall or reach out for what they need so desperately. Most of the time these things are wrong and should not be allowed to continue. God gives us pain in order to make us more dependent on him, so dependence on something other than God CANNOT be tolerated. It is a lie and should be demolished. You may thing that denying this person this coping behavior may hurt them. Don't be afraid, it probably will. But the surgeons knife also hurts, God's trials to prove and refine our faith hurt. Hurting is good sometimes.
Proverbs 9:8
"Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you."
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